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Anniversaries…So Many of Them…

April 30, 2010

So many anniversaries … this might partially explain why I’ve felt so funky and overwhelmed especially this past month…

My three year CanServersary is this month (April). In fact, today, the 30th, marks three years since the surgery.  On top of that, as of today, Tim and I are here in Oberlin for one year.  whew…Those things all by themselves might be enough to sink a person into a funk…. But wait… there’s more…. I won’t write specifics here just yet, though I may at some point in the future.  Let me just say Yikes!

As usual, even if I’m not thinking too much about these things, my unconscious and my body are.  rats… hence the insomnia, upset digestion, and an overwhelming desire for chocolate… I don’t have access to stronger drugs… good thing!

Someone  smart about these things told me to ask myself what I need when I begin to see the usual forms of physical distress surrounding a memory or anniversary, even though I think I should be able to just breeze right through.  Clearly, I cannot just breeze through.

Actually, all my body and spirit really want is for me to ask the right question and try to pay attention. Things like What do I need to feel safe? What is the current reality of life right now? What gives me joy? And, my personal favorite, All is well.

Everything I have needed to survive , overcome, and accomplish, so far in my life, I have.  Looking forward with joy and excitement, and without fear is my goal for life.

I’ve just had the privilege of listening to both Bill Cosby and Stevie Wonder speak in Tappan Square this afternoon.  It is sooo important to hear speeches that encourage looking up and far forward.  It is way too easy to lose perspective and get stuck in the swamp.

So, What do you think?  Who do you look to for inspiration?  What are your favorite meditations?  How do you deal with fear?

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Bob permalink
    May 7, 2010 4:20 pm

    So many good and thoughtful questions. Inspiration comes from so many sources in the springtime: the sun for one thing; tiny emerging plants, the scent of the moist woods mingled with lilacs, trilium and lady slippers in the woods. And of course always music, particularly singing. It is really the human spirit at its best and surely helps when things are fearful — dies irae — as it allows full release of happiness in good situations — gloria! I feel a lot more than I put into words; you do it so well.

    Cheers and prayers,


    • May 8, 2010 10:01 pm

      Yeah, Bob, the springtime offers lots of hope, and music the opportunity for expression of feelings on a much deeper level. I’m singing Stravinsky Symphony of Psalms tomorrow night…. It is a deep and complicated work. It brings me to tears every time. We are also singing Mozart Coronation Mass in C. I’m very fond of the Gloria…. It will be a great night of contrast… deep and brooding to light and almost playful…Mozart is so much fun!

      • Bob permalink
        May 9, 2010 6:12 pm

        I didn’t know you were singing last night; I thought last night was the Mozart concert. A number of us have been lobbying to do the Stravinsky and David is interested, but there are many issues to coordinate. We probably would want to do it with an excellent Jewish chorus with whom we have sung before and would share the cost of the orchestra. As I wrote Tim, we did the Verdi Requiem last Sunday and it was a very moving experience, with a conductor who was clearly steeped in Verdi and swept us right along with him. “Tuba mirum ..”! Wow!


  2. angela permalink
    May 8, 2010 7:58 am

    Hi Liz!

    when something happens i have a rule, for 24 hours i allow my self to feel whatever it is, i acknowledge my feelings and that they are real and allow myself time to vent… then i allow myself to move on. this rule keeps me from staying too caught up in my mind. once something has had its 24hrs i try not to give another although some challenges are life long and ever changing.

    2 things i do to help me move on are i bring myself to the present moment by focusing on my breath or doing some yoga (could be only 2 poses). This brings my focus to the now, clears my head and lets me focus on the 2nd thing which is to see what i have gained or could gain from the situation. even in the worst of times there is growth and doors to happiness. I’m here right now in this very moment why let my mind waste that precious time when my spirit wants to live.

    i do enjoy some yoga chanting music… makes my soul dance!

    favorite quotes that i have on my fridge

    “Obstacles melt away when we make our minds up to walk boldly through them”.

    “Its not the years in your life that count its the life in your years” Abe Lincoln

    “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”

  3. May 8, 2010 10:05 pm

    Hi Angela, I love your fridge quotes 🙂 I have a favorite on mine too… “Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end”
    I’m finding that knitting is helpful in calming me, and I know that yoga does. I’m going back out to Heartlight in another week….
    I’m spending time thinking about your 24 hour rule…. good idea!

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