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SOS…Glub… glub…glub

June 1, 2007
by

This has been a particularly difficult week. I have not been able to figure out what to do about posting when I am not feeling well. I know that I have been keeping a very upbeat tone of voice on the blog since I’ve begun it. I think that has left the impression that I am fine and have no needs. That is very far from the truth. The past week has been among the worst so far. I can’t tell who is out there. Thank God for the few who write on the blog and send cards. There are very few phone calls and almost no visits. I have no way of knowing how many are lurking around on the blog.

On top of the dispair brought on by visiting a Medical Oncologist, I have had a huge bout of disappointment that only one friend is going to attend the concert this Saturday. This concert has represented an almost Herculean effort on my part to attend rehearsals and learn an unbelievable amount of music. I really did want people to come and witness the performance. It would also serve to compel me to do it, especially this week when there is so much work and I am so tired. I really have not had the energy to do this right now. I realized that I was at a particularly low point Tuesday night at rehearsal when I was thinking about how easy it would be to not sing the concert. Who would know? I could just make my excuses and be done.

Actually, it is friends in the chorus who are keeping me going right now for this. they tell me that they are so impressed with me. Can’t tell you how that makes me feel. It is something wonderful. My singing friends have all been great. I’ll be missed if I am not there, I’m sure.

I just showed this to someone who has told me that I’m being way too nice about this. hmmm. Wait till I tell you some of the other things I’m being way too nice about.

Just a note… I’m sure that everyone has really good reasons for not coming to the concert. Right now, I am too tired to want to listen to them. Please do not tell them to me or send me email about them.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Mel Snyder permalink
    June 1, 2007 8:03 am

    Hi dear Liz –
    Hope you got my phone message. I’ll call you again when you return from Seattle. I don’t want you or Tim to forget that when I’m in town I will make time to come to you! And even when I’m out of town I can be available by phone.
    Hope PC surrounds you with love and good listening.
    Mel

  2. Mel Snyder permalink
    June 1, 2007 8:27 am

    2nd comment today
    Dear Liz:
    I just read all your previous entries – and am very moved by the rigor and courage with which you (and Tim) are addressing this big challenge.
    How blessed you are to have music so deeply in your body and soul. I feel blessed just hearing about how Mendelsohn or Bach keep you company at hard times.
    Mel

  3. Sarah Gilchrist permalink
    June 1, 2007 12:10 pm

    Liz,
    I’m sorry it took so long to catch up with your blog. It is Friday today, and I’ve just read “SOS,” and I want to join the chorus (so to speak) of your singing friends who have tremendous respect and affection for you. We do want to see you tomorrow. Your presence makes a difference to us all. it will be the first time for me to have noone I know in attendance and, though I haven’t had to deal with burdens like yours while learning this monster of a mass, and while all my family have good reasons they can’t make it, I know that I’m feeling a bit blue about that. Art for art’s sake, I keep telling myself. I guess that’s about the same as Patrick’s oft-repeated refrain: “The music deserves it.”

    I was moved by what you wrote about using the bit of Mendelssohn to get you through that awful procedure the other day. I also found that line incredibly moving; in fact, sometimes just at regular rehearsals I would tear up will singing it. And I was raised by atheists!

    I look forward to seeing you — in good cheer or not — tomorrow. I think of you often (really!), and try to send whatever positive energy I can your way. You are a wonderful person and deserve only good things.

    -Sarah

  4. Pat Carey permalink
    June 1, 2007 1:14 pm

    Dear Liz–
    I sit hundreds of miles away and I can tell from here that you are loved. But I sure understand why it might not feel like it . . . or why no amount of love quite makes the pain go away. On the practical side, I’m sure the reason you have not had visits or phone calls is in part the blog. We feel we are in touch or maybe that the blog solves the “interruption dilemma.”

    Who among us has not felt the way you do today . . . maybe without so good a reason? A wise friend (and counselor) of mine suggests selecting a good time or place, setting a time limit for your self and inciting a good cry — just as you do with the magnificence of the music you love. Tim, you probably need TLC yourself even as you try to provide it for Liz.

    Even as a new and distant friend, I feel I know you and love you as much as the others here. I think I said before you are very like my sisters only funnier :=) (And Tim is way funnier than my brothers!) I wish I could give you a real, real hug. Love — Pat

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